Winding, Crooked Trails

So this is Christmas

Quite the year it was don't you think?
I know it certainly was for me.  Had no idea I would be taking a six month vacation.  I loved every minute of it, even the scary parts.

I've survived damn near everything, as a matter of fact I have that magnet on my fridge

I learned I'm not afraid of fear

and that I'm capable of unconditional love

and that I still know how to start over

and I'm constantly reminded

that I have the best friends on the planet

and it matters little that they are scattered and far away

cause they're closer than they appear

I've learned to get the fuss out of my face

and how to live without anger (except sometimes when I watch the news)

I've accepted that my immediate family is cleaved and that I can exist dead ass in the middle of it, and love in both directions.  What is, is, I don't own the problem.  They all know that if I were to die first and they attempt a make up over my dead body.........I'm sitting the fuck up screaming, No, not now, too late.

Somehow, some way, I get all my kids on Christmas day.  Been that way for quite a while.   After all the years of splitting and sharing time, now they're mine nearly all day.   Go figure.

I'll wake up Christmas morning alone as I have for several years now.  First time that happened it felt really strange, I'm used to it now and I get up early and go watch my grand daughters feel the magic.  Only down side is that "other"  grandfather is there but he won't be wearing a santa hat. 

I have prime rib on the menu, thanks to an unexpected bonus from my new employer.  They were very generous considering I've worked but 60 days or so.  Big thick slabs for the grill, the rarest hunk for me, medium rare for the rest.  Giant potatoes to bake and slather with butter and sour cream.  Mushrooms to saute in butter and soy sauce and crushed garlic.  Broccoli with melted cheese, I know, decadent, but hey it's Christmas and I'll wear my chef's apron and my santa hat so it's all good.

And so Happy Christmas

And the best to each and every one of you

Caution: Sappy Holiday Post

I have three or four posts in draft from earlier this week but my vanity precludes me from empty posting (most of the time).  No post is better than a bad post I'm usually thinkin'.

Watch me get all prolific and shit over the holidays when there is no one around here.....

I'm thankful for each and every one of you, from this entire year, from last year, from the entire time I've been here.  Each of you has given me something to hold onto and to remember you by.  Those are the gifts that keep on giving long after they've been unwrapped.

After years of socialization I've gradually become the loner I am today.  I think it's my natural inclination.  Everywhere but here that is, this has become my crowd of choice.  There are those who would argue the emotional health of that but there are those who would argue about anything.

All I know is there is a reason the Jack Nicholson quote has taken up residence in the front of my cluttered if not slightly twisted mind......"you make me want to be a better man"

Now there's a gift for ya.  And for that, I'll be giving Thanks to every one of you.

Thank you

to all of you whom have been so supportive and congratulatory.  You helped me more than you know.
I might have struggled a little more than I let on.   I know, I know, I'm as surprised that I admitted that as you are to hear it.  It's so much easier to be a redneck when you have a job and yet, I think I managed it quite well.

I won't ever forget this summer though and it's been far from all bad.  I think I found some things I didn't realize I had lost.  Like when you look in the bottom of a drawer you rarely open and see something you forgot you had and go "there that is!".

Out West means to Vegas to see my folks and I'm sure I'll manage to slip up to southern Utah for at least a day or two.  I mean, how could I not?.  And why would I not?  It seems a fitting end to a most emotional and personally enlightening period of my life.

In many ways, it just may have been my most glorious summer.

Thank you again for being an important part of it.

Oh shit, now I have to pay for the camera.

For the One who Flies and Cries

May the wings of the butterfly kiss the sun.
And find your shoulder to light on.
To bring you luck, happiness and riches.
Today, tomorrow and beyond.
(Irish Blessing)